Why the city of Dallas will never win an NBA Title

This blog is a response to the poorly thought out and feeble hopes of my good friend Jeff Platt’s blog about why the Lakers would not be crowned champs this year (*sweep* mutters out of my mouth as I cover it with a cough).  The Lakers just completed a 4-game sweep of the Enver Nuggets (forget the “D” because they don’t play much of it).  However, on the other hand, his mighty Dallas Mavericks, who were the overall #1 seed last year, just a year removed from an NBA Finals run, are down 3-1 to the surprise team of the west, the New Orleans Hornets.  Below, just to shatter his hopes and dreams for one more year as to why his fair city will never hang that coveted championship banner, is a list of reasons why the Dallas Mavericks will never, ever, eeeeeeeeever, win an NBA Title (in no particular order of course).

1. Jeff Platt supports them (that puts them at a disadvantage already).
2. The state of Texas is a complete joke, as its state flag is missing 49 stars.
3. He is going to lose a substantial amount of money to me once a) they lose this series and b) the Lakers win the championship.  The Lakers will continue to win me money, and I will ride them to financial freedom, as being a college student has left me in debt.
4. They blew their one fluke season two years ago when Dirk Nowitzki could not lead his team to a title even when leading 2-0.
5. Last year, as the #1 overall seed, they were stunned in six games against the Golden State Warriors, as once again Dirk Nowitzki, the most undeserving MVP in NBA history, proved his unworthiness to the sport of basketball.
6. After bringing back guard Jason Kidd in a poor attempt at making a title run, Dallas traded away a future star in Devin Harris (good one, Mark Cuban).
7. After bringing back Kidd, the team decides in 2012 to bring back the “throwback Mavericks,” trying to pull out all the stops to win its first title in the team’s 32-year history.  This team will include former greats such as Shawn Bradley, Cedric Ceballos, Ronald “Popeye” Jones, Wang Zhi Zhi, and Fat Lever for their starting five.  (If you are wondering, “who are these guys,” go to Wikipedia for full bios and clarification).
8. In a pathetic attempt to somehow coast to the Finals once again, the Mavs make the move to the Eastern Conference in 2020.  To their dismay, the Charlotte Bobcats have become the Beast in the East, with Michael Jordan making his final run out of retirement.
9. In 2030, the Dallas Mavericks finally call it quits.  After 50 years of sucking and fans being fed up, the team closes its doors after posting an NBA worst 4-78 record.
10. JEFF PLATT SUPPORTS THEM.  THEY NEVER EVEN HAD A CHANCE!

To those of you who have made it this far, thanks for reading my Top 10 reasons why the Dallas Mavericks will never win an NBA Title.  So far, I am perfect in my playoff prediction: the Lakers swept the Nuggets, 4-0 to win the series.  For those of you who missed my last blog, here is how the rest of the Lakers run to the championship will go.

Lakers defeat Jazz, 4-2
Lakers defeat Spurs, 4-2
Lakers defeat Celtics, 4-3

AND THE LAKERS ARE YOUR 2007-2008 NBA CHAMPIONS!

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